keep on running

"i need you to be considerate. call/text when you say you will. assure me you prefer me on a sunday morning with my hair up and glasses on, but tell me how hot a look on a friday night. for the love of god, don't keep your hands to yourself. ever. kiss me---lots. make me laugh, let me cry. hold my hand. choose me over sleep, not all the time, just often. get to know my friends and let me get to know yours. cuddle me till we're both falling asleep and then give me some space. have your own life, but share it with me. read. get off the computer. put down the video game. don't keep your hands to yourself. ever."

i wrote that a little while ago, re: what i need. and guess what? i think i've found it.

well, i haven't cried, yet...

i've met a man. a MAN. he's amazing. by no means perfect in any way, but amazing. a few weeks ago, as i walked to work with my mum, i recounted my adventures in dating to her. she congratulated me for putting myself out there, for trying. i "harumph"ed and swore to take a bit of a break. i was exhausted in every way. after a summer of trying on every kind of guy, every type of "dating", every sort of approach, i was DONE. hell, i AM done. i dated kyle for 2 months, trying on the "cool easy going girl who doesn't ask for much therefore you should want to give it all to her" thing---fail. then i dated a couple guys at the same time: the actor douche and the ad exec i met at an afterhours---who, by the way, not only know each other but came in together after neither returning my last call---neither of which i slept with. nope. i went back to my roots for a bit and dated a kitchen boy dirtbag i met out late one night. he just asked for anal sex way too early and had the nerve to blow ME off. UGH. then i went on one date with a boy i actually picked up at my bar (not something i make a habit out of)---he was a socially awkward savant, i suspect. fail.

so that evening as i walked to work, i assured my mother i was taking a break from it all. i felt amazing throughout my shift, like a weight had been lifted. as we were closing the bar as quickly as possible to go downstairs and take advantage of the extended license, i got a text. it was from ryan, who i'd had a massive crush on in the spring but had gotten over. could i get he and some friends in? of course.

one of his friends is the man. i met him that night (although apparently i have met him several times in the past) and have been a goner ever since. he's interesting and mellow, with a super sexy record collection and the strongest lips i've kissed in i-don't-know-how-long. he's considerate and kind. he listens and remembers everything i say---which has made me more aware of what i say, something i do need to learn. there is an intimacy and comfort between us, and yet he keeps me on my toes. ugh, i'm just crazy about him.

and i am trying to focus on that. not get caught up in all the nuttiness that happens in my head when i like someone. i'm trying not to put too much on the poor guy. or assume the worst when certain things aren't how i expect. he's a man, finally. and i'm learning how to be a woman.